I thought about writing this piece as a perspective – from my vantage point of being slim and 6 months pregnant.
Ok, so where do I start. I’ve been skinny my whole entire life. Never known a diet, never EVER had to watch what I eat and let’s just say I haven’t always been proud of this as an adolescent. But as I grew and matured into myself – I learned how to LOVE, clothe and care for my (often commented on body). Yes, for those who may not understand or believe me – Skinny people get the MOST bizarre body comments. I once had someone tell me that they were happy to see me eating at an event because they had assumed I starved myself (*laughing the whole way through that disgusting comment*). I even remember a time growing up when I told my mom not to buy me sleeveless tops that showed my arms because people called them scrawny. When people make comments to or about skinny girls, I can understand that it may not ALWAYS be malicious. There are those, Ive come to understand, who are trying to compliment you because they truly admire SLIM (which is all fine and nice). But growing up as a young girl, any comment (even the quote on quote compliments) makes you start to wonder “if something is wrong with you”. Through the compliments/comments about your size all you hear is that you are not the ‘ideal’ – not the standard of woman.
But like I said, despite all this growing up, somewhere along the way I began to see my fast metabolism as a blessing. I mean I eat what I want, I can wear clothes forever, my now husband LOVES slim girls! It was working for me! And plus my God doesn’t make mistakes and every meticulous detail about me was planned and purposed from the foundation of the earth.
And then I got pregnant this year, and all of a a sudden the comments started to affect me again. I began to feel like a little girl all over again. I guess for every slim chick who has ever had body issues – You think, ok, this is the time I will be able to put on a healthy weight and just maybe I’ll be accepted into this ever coveted and oh so fictitious “woman’s club”. And then NOTHING. Two months pregnant, Nothing. 4 months, nothing. 6 months, oh still nothing. And then even MORE comments. Someone even expressed to me recently that they speculated I was dieting during my pregnancy. *Really though* . Then there are those who ALWAYS talk about how tiny I am for how far I am, and then the worry sets in. The worry about how my appetite has been. *My appetite is raging just fine, and if you don’t move out the way I might just eat YOU* (Ive thought about saying that a time or two LOL). The looks of shock and despair when I tell people I am more than half way there – would make your day if only you could be there to witness my daily interactions. I guess we are more comfortable (as a people) with a women gaining double her body weight in pregnancy as proof that she is truly pregnant and caring for the precious gift laying in her womb.
But it’s all good, I’m blessed beyond deserving and so I smile to keep momma and baby happy on the inside. Then again, just like when I was a little girl – I began to find myself starting to look inward … judging, scrutinizing, wondering why I’m not like “most women”. Is there something wrong?
BUT THEN I gotta be reminded that the answer is NO. Every time I feel my precious one kicking and moving on the inside of me, AND every time God gives me a word about my child and who they will be – I’m reminded. The both of us have been made in His perfect image and we are perfectly and uniquely fine.
I wrote this because the world is a complicated place LOL, for a lack of better words. Some thinks that the woman who doesn’t struggle with her weight has no real issues. DEAD WRONG. My disclaimer to the world is simply this: My baby bump may not be what you are use to seeing at 6 months, but please don’t let it offend you. Please don’t speculate that I am not ok. I’m not malnourished or anorexic (trust me, I’ve heard it all over this lifetime), I am my version of woman. I am bold, confident AND insecure, intelligent, sexy, brave, God fearing, contemplative – all the same things as you (Feminine). We’re all so different and it’s ALL GOOD!
So for the next 3 months of this journey, please excuse my figure flaunting attire to come. I WILL enjoy being a skinny preggo and I WILL love myself.